His Depravity Knows No Bounds–Three Times Sherlock.

Sherlock Holmes, Warner Brothers, 2009

Look. Honestly. I’ve been trying to cut down on the slashiness in this review, but, really. These two do not make my job easier here.

“It was our last case together, and I wanted to see it through… to the end.” Make Holmes cry, Watson, why don’t you?

Just look at them. It’s their last case and, come on, they’re both heartbroken. Working on this last thing (ha, right, tell yourselves that, darlings, you can’t live without each other, and Mary’s alright with it, for God’s sake!) together makes them happy. As much as they snarl and moan and bicker at each other, arguing about the rooms and Gladstone and Holmes wearing Watson’s we-agreed-it-was-too-small-for-you waistcoat—they need their adventures together, and they know it.

Holmes, of course, completely agrees with me on this, which is why he tries to sabotage Watson’s plans of settling down wherever he can¹; he doesn’t even have the grace not to use puppy dog eyes on his doctor. And since Watson simply cannot let Holmes walk into a potential trap or any other danger on his own, he runs after him time and time again; leading himself to the conclusion that he is “psychologically disturbed.” Well, I wouldn’t put it quite that negatively, but he’s not far off the truth.

Anyway, the case. Yes. There is a plot in between all the handsome faces, you know. Which reminds me: because I simply can’t squeeze all the caps I’ve edited into this post, I’ve posted a new page devoted to them, containing a gallery of extra caps.

Irene is back on the scene, and while that gives Watson ample opportunity to mock Holmes, much to his delight and the detective’s chagrin, it’s more worrying than anything else. One, because there’s Moriarty, threatening her, and he’s scary as shit, two, because Irene and Sherlock have sexual history and I just don’t know how I feel about that. I don’t know whether it’s because I just don’t think that Rachel McAdams and Robert Downey, Jr., have any on-screen chemistry, at all, or whether it’s because it so blatantly shoots canon to hell. I loved how they included A Scandal in Bohemia in the list of jobs that are hinted at in Irene’s file, but that was about it. One might be tempted to say, well, Andrea, you’re a slash fan, you’re not exactly in the position to criticize a non-canon pairing, but, you know what—I am. I AM.

This is Lestrade, by the way. Nice guy.

What I do in my own head and in my poorly written fanfiction is not related to the fact that I have, as a reader and viewer, every right to expect a work of fiction that’s true to canon, and even if it’s not: I’m not saying writers shouldn’t be allowed to make their own fanfiction come true, not at all, which is basically what this pairing is—what I take issue with is that it’s Sherlock and Irene. It’s the one criminal and interesting female character that Sherlock ever truly butts heads with, and I think that pairing him with her in an effort to—well, to what, exactly, make him less “gay” so the producers are happy ’cause of all the bromance with Watson?—whatever, is just lazy. She was there, so she had to suffer for it. Why pair him with her? He’s not interested in women, at all, and it’s not about whether they’re making him true to canon in this, like with his snark, social awkwardness, and shooting holes into the sitting room wall, it’s about why would they turn that one thing around? All the things to choose from to mess with the integrity of a character, and they choose this? Why take that one peculiar thing and make it redundant and ordinary, something that would’ve happened in any other flipping detective story, but not in the ‘verse of ACD? The only relationship Sherlock ever has is his friendship with Watson. Why couldn’t they leave that as it is; I mean, it is the centre of the movie, but why add something such as this? It’s superfluous and lazy. There, I said it. Again.

Anway, I’ll stop ranting now. Have a few caps. That is chemistry. Robert Downey, Jr., and Jude Law. They have it—IN HEAPS.

DR JOHN WATSON: OWNING TEASING FROM BEHIND THE NEWSPAPER SINCE 1889 (or whatever year we have now)

No matter in which incarnation, Watson always has a temper.

Oh, you two.

¹ This is what happens when pissing off the future wife of your co-dependent best friend goes wrong:

To be honest, I don’t know what to say about the Blackwood plot: yes, interesting, yes, the movie was fast-paced, very well written, and there was suspense to last me for a day without any boredom. Holmes battling the seemingly supernatural is always amusing, and plays gleefully at our own superstitions and fascination with these things. If one were honest, one had to admit that, really, this movie might be regarded just as background filler for the wonderful thing that is Holmes and Watson—and how could that be a bad thing?

I love this movie, a lot, it’s got Sherlock, it’s got clever criminals, it’s awakened my ravenous appetite for more of this. Which we’re going to have soon.

Sherlock Holmes 2: A Game of Shadows. To be fair, I think it’s a horrible title, but, oh well. I’ll enjoy it anyway.

Good night!

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